Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Happy St. Patricks Day !

Today is a big day in our household. 29 years and 20 years ago I had babies. Crystal Ann Patricia and nine years later Nicholas Thomas Gerald. I could not have planned it if I had tried. Crystal was born 4 weeks early by induction and Nicholas was 9 days late!! She was 6lbs 1 oz and he weighed a hefty 9lbs 4 oz. I wish I could say they are close but unfortunately that is not the way it has turned out.

I could write a book about the trials and tribulations of having 2 families. The way that people use others as a control or revenge mechanism. My ex seriously and purposely ruined the relationship my daughter has with me and my 2 younger children. For whatever reason this was done - whether control, revenge, anger, jealousy, money - it is a very very sad situation. I have tried to cross the bridge with her but it keeps crashing down. Her anger and manufactured memories against me will not allow her to grow up and go on. I cannot keep opening up myself to the hurt and pain she continues to inflict on me. I only pray that someday, somehow, she will reach out.

Nicholas is in Calgary for his birthday - first time in 20 years he has not been with me on this day. It feels very strange. I have not been with Crystal on her birthday since she turned 14 (wow 15 years...:( ) but I still think of her and miss her especially on this day. Sharing a birthday with her brother has been both a negative experience for her (initial jealousy ) and later a bonus. I am not sure what Nick will be doing today but I am sure that it will involve being at a pub! Last year for his 19th we joined him at a pub for his first legal day of drinking (that sounds bad doesnt it?) with his close friends and then left them to their own devices for the rest of the night. We will be off to the Mad Hatter tonight. My sister being in town we will walk over and have a great time.

Yesterday I took my niece Lindsay and my daughter Hayley shopping on Queen Street for fabric for their prom dresses. Surprisingly it only took 2 hours. We were totally succesful and hopefully they are both happy with their choices. Now for the sewing! Both girls are such complete opposites and their dress/fabric choices reflect this as well. I will post pictures after they are finished in the near future.

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